Here's the wind up...and the pitch

There are so many stories that simply take too long to set up for what ends up being a one-liner. Unless you set up the situation, it is just not as funny. In order to make this worth while, I am putting in a collection of one liners here...

1) This past weekend was my son’s fourth birthday. We were on our way to his party site when an impatient driver decided to take a short cut in the parking lot which put them in our lane and cut us off. My husband, being the full-on-red-blooded-American-male that he is could not resist commenting.

Paul: (Sarcastically) Oh, yeah sure, just come on over in my lane! Thanks a lot Jackass!

Marty: (Delightedly Surprised) You know his name Daddy!?

Paul: (Sheepishly) Yes, yes I do.


2) Just like every other kid in America, my children have started “hating” everything. It has become a pet peeve of mine and I keep explaining to them that hate is a very strong word and that they shouldn’t use it unless they REALLY mean it. After Paul played a prank on her, Sarah looked at her father and started to say, “I hate...” She was cut off with a look then after the slightest delay she continued with a raised eye brow and squinted eyes. She bore her eyes into her father and enunciated very carefully, “I strongly dislike you!”

3) During a recent road trip it was Marty’s turn to select the movie for the DVD system. I offered the suggestion of Pixar’s Cars because he hadn’t watched it in a long time. I was then informed that, “Mommy (sigh), when Daddy watches the races every weekend, I watch with him so don’t tell ME (complete with head bobble) that I don’t watch cars”.

4) This is an oldie but still one of my favorites. When Mary was only three or four years old we were driving to Pennsylvania and we passed by what I believe is a salt mine. There were various machines about as well as piles of rubble and sand. Mary looked over and asked, “What’s that Daddy?” Paul looked over and simply stated, “That’s a mine.” Mary then exclaimed excitedly, “That’s all yours Daddy?!”

To this day, when ever pass by that same mine on the way to visit family Paul and I still look at it and say, “Yep, datsa mine!” To make it even funnier on the way home from PA just a few weeks ago Marty looked out his window, saw the mine and asked, “What’s that Daddy?” Paul was very careful to answer in the same tone he had over four years before, “That’s a mine”. Then we held our breath…but no such luck.