It's not what you say; it's how you say it

Kids bicker, kids fight. Anyone who grew up with brothers and sisters know this. Now as a parent it is hard to have patience for the constant whining over what is mine or who touched what. I have always tried to teach my kids manners and a big part of this is how they talk to other people, so tone plays a big role. I constantly remind them that a snarky “fine” or “thanks” will not get them far.

Now my words have come back to me.

After work and school we had some time to play outside. Scooters, bikes and toys were brought out, helmets and pads were donned. Marty, who has no bike of his own, borrowed his sisters. Granted the image of my son riding down the sidewalk on a pink and purple bike with sparkly tassels was funny but the following conversation between Marty and Sarah was even better.

S: Marty! You didn't ask me to ride my bike!
M: Yeah, but you weren’t on it.
S: You still have to ask! (Can you tell by the exclamation points that she is yelling?)
M: Can I ride it since you are not it?
S: FINE!!!

A few moments later….

S: Moooommm tell Marty to give me the bike back, he didn’t ask!
Me: Yes he did, he asked when you yelled at him the first time and you said ‘fine’.
S: Yeah but I said it in a MEAN way which means I didn’t really want him to ride my bike!

The conversation ended with a six year old; eyes wide, mouth agape and the silent “Duh” look on her face. I may have been told that I ‘should have known’ this to which I would have responded if my powers of speech weren’t hampered by the stifling of laughter.

The Ladies Man

I am a mother, I am biased and I know this, but my son is just about the cutest thing alive and one of the coolest dudes I know. Granted, he is not even four years old but I am betting he is going be loved by the ladies. How do I know this? There are the eyes, beautiful swirled green with dark lashes about a foot long. An easy laugh and great sense of humor and apparently he is already working on his pickup lines. The only thing that bothers me is that some of the stuff that comes out of his mouth just isn't appropriate (but funny) to say to one's mother.

For example: On a recent family trip we were at a relatives house and during a conversation, Marty started playing this game with me. He would lay on the floor in front of my chair and slide his hand up the leg of my pants. Not high, just at the ankle. I would pretend that something scary had just crawled on me and bat at his hand. Endless laughter and repetition ensued. After a few minutes, I was done with the game and told him so. He then looked at me, held up his legs and uttered: "Now you try to get in my pants!"

These become even funnier when you consider the history that Marty and I share with such things. I believe the first one was the most infamous.

Marty had been getting in trouble with his father for coming into our bed on weekend mornings and had been warned to stay in his own bed. Paul usually gets up before I do on the weekends so one morning, after he got up, I felt a small shift in the bed and opened my eyes. I was greeted by my son's darling face only inches from mine and he says: "I wait for him to leave so I could sleep wich you".

To make things worse, I believe it was winter time and I had been huddled under our down comforter all night. When his little hand touched my arm he looks at me and says: "You're hot!"

Like I said, somewhat unsettling, but FUNNY!

I know that I have not been posting much but I will try to make sure I get this stuff out there. If there is ever a lull, I can pull out some of the classics such as:

Ders poop onda florah
The Sean Connery incident

The gas powered family

I knew even before having kids that kids think gas is funny. I remember thinking gas was funny. My husband still thinks gas is funny but I never thought it could be used as a parenting tool. I hope all of you reading this have already read my personal note and know that I realize this is not parenting at its best.

Trying to get the kids up in the morning can be a challenge especially when it is prior to 6 AM. One morning Sarah would simply not wake up. Paul crawled into her bunk and tried waking her but wiggles and "no"s were all we got. Paul sat silently for one moment and the said "wait for it", he repeated again "wait for it" and then passed gas. Sarah bolted out of bed with an exclamation regarding the smell after only a few seconds. Now when we need to get them moving, Dad just walks in and says "wait for it".

Works every time

In a related story, I was packing for a trip when Marty came in. I happen to be taking a break and was lying on the floor. He promptly plopped down on my stomach and leaned over to give me a kiss. The he started playing some odd game where he tries to keep his face directly in front of yours so you can't see anything else. Then all of a sudden he starts laughing and announced that he had tooted. Before I could ask for the proper response to such an action he started wiggling and squirming on my stomach.

"What are you doing?"

"I rub my toot on you!"

Yeah - thanks.