Geometry & Genetics

Okay, so these stories don’t really have too much to do with higher learner but it was a catchy title and the stories are definitely worth reading.

Geometry: Marty was riding around with me this past weekend and showing off all the new shape names that he learned in Spanish. He already knows how to count to ten and most of his colors in Spanish but this is new so he was very excited. I hope you can use your imagination when picturing this little boy announcing each shape as if he is a game show host or late night talk show side-kick. I have put my mental reactions in for your enjoyment.

Marty: Oval (alright, here we go)
Oooovaaalooo (snicker)

Marty: Cone
Cooonnnoo!! (okay, now you are just adding an “o” to everything)

Marty: Square
Cuadrado! (okay, maybe he does know them)

Marty: Half Moon (really?)
Media Luna!! (wow, I’m impressed!)

Marty: Parallelogram (does he even know what that is?)
-slight pause-
Parallelograma!!!!!!! (snort)

David, this one was for you!


Genetics: Sarah was getting ready for bed and instead of sitting on her bed to put on her pajama pants, she decided to stand on the bed and had her pants trapped under her feet. Her solution? Just jump up high enough in the air to pull up your pants and then land back down on the bed! Paul looks at her and then me and shakes his head.

“That’s your half” he says then he walks out of the room to check on Marty.

“What did he mean 'your half’, mommy?” asked Mary. I tried to explain that every baby is made up with half of mommy and half of daddy. She looks quite disturbed.

“I am half daddy?! That must be why I burp and fart so much!”

Leprechauns & Lesbians

I have been saving this one…

Sarah comes in while I am getting ready for work and says that one of the boys at the daycare was calling her names the day before. The boy in question is a little older than the girls, maybe twelve, and the source of many reports of teasing.

“Well, what did he call you?”
“He called me a lesbian.” (Now, Sarah does not sound upset or offended at this.)
“I’m sorry, what?”
“He called me a lesbian.” Slight pause…
“Mommy, are lesbians real?”

At this point Sarah is looking at me as if she is asking about a magical creature only imaginable in fairy tales and I swear to you that I was so close to saying:

“No sweetie, they come from the magical land of Unicorns and Leprechauns”

So now at my office, we just shout “Leprechauns and Lesbians” as an exclamation.

For those of you concerned at the sexual overtones of the teasing, I did speak with the teachers and director of the daycare regarding the use of such terms. I did not feel up to actually discussing with Sarah the true meaning of the word, not that she asked me. Phew!

Slammin' Hot Nuts!

Sorry it has been awhile but I saved up a couple of good ones…

Slammin: I put Scrabble Slam on the kids’ Christmas wish list. I thought it would be a great game, right? Work on the kids spelling? Have fun? Right? So here is how the first round went...

TOOL
POOL
POOP
POOT
TOOT

Yeah, I think my kids new how to spell POOP without anyone shelling out $19.99.

Hot: I had just gotten out of bed when Marty came in and gave me a hug. The boy has a seriously distorted perception of temperature; he only takes cold showers because he doesn’t like the “hot” water. Anyway, he gives me a hug and says, “you’re hot”. I tickled him and then he says: “Get away from me, you hotter!”
Me: “No honey, that hottie, not hotter”
Marty: “You… are a real Hottie!”

Nuts: During a Saturday lunch, Marty wants to know what the ingredients are in the Honey Mustard dip for his chicken. Figuring it was pretty self explanatory I read the label out loud. As soon as I am done, Sarah cuts in with:

S: Phew! I was worried that there were nuts in there!
Me: Why?
S: My friend Robbie is allergic to nuts, he can’t have any.

I already knew this and considering that Robbie was not having lunch with us, I wasn’t sure why she was suddenly so concerned. I must have looked confused or worried because she suddenly has a very sincere look on her face and she tries to assure me:

S: Not the private parts (pointing down to her lap), the eatable kind…

I swear if she had even the slightest hint of sarcasm in her voice, I would have taken her to task but she was absolutely serious.